Once Mine

Do you remember the table tennis room in your department? We were not professionals at all. But every time we picked up the paddles, it felt like we slipped into a small world that belonged only to us. You would laugh when I missed an easy shot, and I would find myself smiling without even realising it. Those moments were simple and innocent. There were no heavy thoughts to carry and nothing we needed to figure out. Only the soft bounce of the ball, your laughter moving through the empty hall, and the quiet ease of being near someone who made everything feel lighter. I never said it then, but I felt something warm in those moments. Not the loud kinf of  happiness. More like a calm feeling in the chest when you know you are exactly where you want to be. Sometimes I wonder what you remember when you think of me. I hope it is something soft, just like this. Y.Y

There’s a corner of the world that only exists in my memory now, a quiet stairway outside your lab, where we used to sit with coffee in our hands and nothing urgent to say.  We were both students then, trying to balance deadlines and dreams. You were working at the research lab, always focused, always striving. I didn’t say it often, but I admired you deeply for that. You made ambition look graceful.  I would sometimes stop by, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. Because even ten minutes with you on those stairs felt like a pause from everything else. We didn’t need big words. A sip of coffee, a shared silence, maybe a small smile. It was enough.  I think those were some of the most peaceful moments of my life. The world was rushing around us, but we were still.  If I could go back to one moment, just one, it might be one of those. You beside me, sunlight slipping through the railings, and the warmth of your presence more comforting than the coffee in my h...

There’s a strange silence in the spaces you once filled. Some days, it feels like I still carry on conversations with you in my mind, telling you how my day went, asking how yours was. I wonder if you do the same, or if your world has moved on, as it should. I hope it has. You deserve joy without hesitation, love without burden. I remember how you used to look at me, like I was someone who mattered. And I did, to you. That truth both heals me and haunts me. You were ready to build a life together. You had dreams, and I was in them. But I was standing at a crossroads, holding too many responsibilities and too much fear. I chose to stay behind, and let you walk ahead. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had just said yes. But I didn’t. And now, all I can do is send my love quietly through these words, hoping they find a way to reach the part of you that still remembers. Be well. Be at peace. And if by chance you ever miss me, know this: you are not alone in that feeling. Y.Y

You are in my heart, you always have been, and always will be. I’ve thought about writing to you many times, but I never found the right words. Even now, I’m not sure these are enough. You were more than a friend. You were the one I loved, the one I still love in ways I cannot explain. We didn’t end up together, not because I didn’t care, but because I believed I couldn’t give you the life you dreamed of. You had wishes, a heart full of hope, and I… I had responsibilities, people depending on me, a duty I couldn’t turn away from. I feared that choosing us would mean failing them, and that failing you would be even worse. You tried. You waited. You gave me every chance. And still, I let you go. There’s no day I don’t carry the weight of that decision. But please know, my greatest wish, then and now, is that you smile when you think of me, just as I do when I think of you. Wherever you are, I hope the world is kind to you. And if your heart ever wonders, yes, you were loved, deeply and c...